Vision Quest

I’ve been excited with my golf game lately as I’ve been hitting the ball plumb out of sight. At least my sight and that’s what was puzzling. I hit the ball and it disappears but I find it in varying directions the usual 230 yards forward. I have to station my son or grandson or wife in proximity behind me to help track the ball. Playing alone is like playing golf by ear. It sounded like it went thataway or it felt like it went some other way. Since screaming hooks are a major part of my repertoire I usually start the search in the left rough. I know those trees better.

I also spend about as much time on screens - computer, iPhone, iPad or TV - as your typical teenager. So, I am bothered daily by eye strain and have had flashing lights in my left eye a time or two in the last year. I was concerned enough to schedule an eye exam back in January.

A couple of years ago our vision insurance changed to a provider where about the only place you could get glasses and have the expense covered is where you can get just about anything from groceries to underwear or do just about anything under one roof except be born or buried. My appointment in January was with the in house optometrist, but I was told my vision hadn’t changed and the flashing lights were probably a result of too much caffeine. I left feeling a little dissatisfied but the greeters, whose ranks I’ll probably join someday upon retirement, made me feel a little better with their hearty well wishes.

I’ve struggled along for about eight more months, living on eye drops and eye rests, when a coworker came to a meeting in glasses I’d never seen her wear. When I asked about them, she explained they were computer glasses, designed for people like me who are slaves to screens. I got the name of her doctor as I knew the big box store didn’t specialize in these type glasses. Those sounded like the answer to my screen problem.

Dr. Gene Harmon put my eyes through all sorts of paces. I’d had most of the tests before at a previous optometrist though not in the store of all things to all people. He explained the flashing lights were because the fluid that lives behind my retina is a little loose on the left and not abnormal for someone of my age. If it sloshes into the retina the lights go off. The fact it’s only happened a couple of times in the last year made it of minor concern.

He never recommended I cut my caffeine intact though he probably would if he knew how much I drink. He did point out cholesterol at work, which I knew but choose not to focus while hoping the little daily pills do their stuff.

But it was the eye exam that was the most … forgive me… eye opening. His test was very thorough, the lines of letters changed so I couldn’t cheat and work from memory. He went through the usual lens shifting, “is this better or this one? Number 1 or Number 2?” He honed in on my astigmatism, shifted and fussed. He finally came to a final setting and asked me what I thought.

“Wow, that’s really clear. I can see perfectly.”

“Okay, then let me show you one more possibility,” he said.

He shifted the lens once and a new setting came into focus. Sort of in focus but not really. I could see and read the letters, but they had lots of astigmatism trails.

“No, not that one,” I said. “I can see much better with the other setting”.

“The setting you’re looking at is your current prescription,” Dr. Harmon said.

My current prescription. The one that didn’t need changing? No wonder I was having trouble seeing and my eyes hurt all the time! I ordered the computer glasses and am having the lenses replaced on my everyday glasses, which also double as sun glasses.

Despite the fact I had to pay for an extra eye exam this year, the money is going to be well worth it. And I got some education for free – if you want underwear or groceries, go to a big box store. If you want an eye doctor, go to someone good enough to be independent.

“You’ll be able to hit the golf ball and see the third bounce 280 yards away,” Doc Optimism promised.

I’ll need to check my bill as I don’t remember authorizing “rose colored tint” to be added to my glasses. However, I’m willing to look through rose colored glasses to add an extra 50 yards to my tee ball.