Let's Play The Name Game

What’s in a name?

Shakespeare said a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet. The great bard could not have anticipated some names going as extinct as the dinosaurs. He might be heartened that his first name is still on the Hot 50 List of most used baby names, checking in at a robust #24.

Would a wannabe singing cowboy named Leonard Slye change his name to Roy these days? Probably not even though Roy fit so well with the Rogers he chose as his last name.

Sadly, both Leonard and Roy are on the endangered name list. Leonard could have considered Wyatt, which is still on the popular list of 2020 though forever entangled with a real western hero of the OK Corral. Amazingly, Maverick, the name of a favorite Western series when I was a kid, is a boy’s name on the Hot 50 list.

These days Roy Rogers might have become Aiden Adams or Luke Lucas.

I got on this thought train while reading obituaries to make sure my name was not there. I was struck by how many first names in the paper are ones no longer being assigned to any replacements in the population.

I went to the web and got a list of 36 names that are disappearing. Dennis, Donna, Diane, Debra, Doris… How can those be going away? I can understand why Leonard, Horace and Malcom or even Aunt Sally’s name might not be making the cut, but Paula, Elaine, Wayne or Wendy? Those should still have some mileage.

It has amazed me for the last 20 years how many children are not being given true first names, just a series of last names. Girls named Blake or Kennedy or Campbell or Peyton. Boys names like Anderson, Lennon, Lincoln or Campbell.

Who knew Campbell could be an androgynous name? I remember the Saturday Night Live character “Pat”, who had the either/or name and the either/or gender. I’m not sure Campbell would fit the skit as well as Pat. Campbell has more gravity while Pat is just … Pat. Which is also the name of Roy Rogers’ sidekick. Roy Rogers has six degrees of separation just like Kevin Bacon.

I think I’m safe as Michael appears on the top 50 popular names but my true first name, George, is absent from all lists. It may have already gone to the name boneyard. My wife is Janice Louise, and neither of her names made the cut. Yet Bella, Stella, Hazel and Charlotte – names I would equate to “olden days” – made the hot list. Maybe George and Janice will make a comeback.

I know some of the lastname, lastname folks are carrying the heavy mantle of family names. My nephew Keith Hallmark has his mother’s maiden name as a first. But Keith also doubles as a first name. His son, Hayes Hallmark, has a name not as flexible. Hayes must be a maternal family name on Amanda’s side. Hayes’ sisters, Riley and Skylar, both made the hot 50 list of names.

My grandchildren didn’t have a single Hot 50 name, maybe because of their family allegiance to the Special “K” - Neither Kelsey, Kody nor Kooper were contenders although Koop could qualify on the lastname, lastname list except the fact he starts with a “K” rather than “C”. The parents, Kevin and Kristin, are in name limbo also, neither hot nor cold.

I was going to close with something like before naming a child a parent should run it through Shirley Ellis’ 1960s hit “The Name Game” to make sure the name sings. Then I looked up the lyrics and found a line with Lincoln, one of the hot names I thought was ridiculous.

Lincoln, Lincoln bo Bincoln Bonana fanna fo Fincoln Fee fy mo Mincoln, Lincoln!

I guess Shirley Ellis really can make any name rhyme and singable.

As a public service, I submit the list of names that will be riding off into the sunset with Roy Rogers:

1. Angela

2. Bertram

3. Beverley

4. Cecil

5. Carol

6. Clarence

7. Clive

8. Cyril

9. Debra